Men and emotions: Some secrets that women should know about men
Again and again, women find themselves at a loss because they do not know how their man “works”. In this article we will give you some “technical” information that should facilitate the handling of men. Men could also pass this on as instructions to their partners.
In his book “Men are different from women” John Gray writes: “Men are like rubber bands and women are like waves.” In this statement he describes an observation that we make in our work. The emotional ups and downs a woman experiences and the male desire for freedom and autonomy. Both forms of existence are difficult to understand for the other gender.
Men want to have their independence: A woman will find it difficult if they consider themselves to be the cause of the fluctuations in their man’s attitude, i.e pulling away from and back to her. Men usually have a much higher need for autonomy than women. To ensure this independence, they need the freedom to walk away, and to later be able to return voluntarily.
Men are hunters and not collectors: Do you know that? Picture this scenario: When you go eating out together, the waiter brings the card and within moments the man knows what he wants to order. In the next 10 minutes she’ll need to study the menu, while he waits impatiently for her to decide. We have developed a variant that makes these first 10 minutes to an entertaining game. Ask your partner what he thinks, what you want to eat yourself. In this way he has to do something, he gets to know you better and you both have fun. Of course you only have to order his recommendation if you agree.
Men are creatures with two faces: A man consists of two entities, the friend and the dragon. Every man has a natural desire to retire occasionally. For him, the retreat offers relaxation, regeneration and clarification. If a man is hurt, feels uncomfortable or injured, he retreat into his own cave serves him for healing. This is opposed to the desire in women(emotionally or psychologically) to heal injuries through sharing their feelings by discussion.
Men are cave dwellers: A man in an argument with his partner, may withdraw into his shell(so to say). This in turn insults her, and she follows him there in order to seek the proper clarification of the matter. This is a serious mistake. You have penetrated to his last shelter. At this moment the friend disappears and the dragon side of him comes to the fore. The dragon is expressed depending on the man’s temperament through coldness, denial, silence, insults, anger and violence at the worst.
Men are overwhelmed by the strength of their feelings: Often men are said to have no feelings. In my perception this is not true. Rather, the emotions in men are often so strong that they themselves shy away from it. Anger is suppressed so as not to hurt anyone; mourning is not lived, so as not to go lost in it; fear is ignored in order to remain effective. All of these are legitimate and necessary part of survival strategies. The men who work in numerous workshops have shown me that men can more easily show the power of their feelings in a safe space and among peers.
Men need time for themselves, by doing this they can perceive themselves better as long as they are not pushing it. Talking to women they are often not as quickly communicative of how they are doing at the moment. For a man, it is often easier to understand and be clear about himself, when he is alone. The more time he spends all alone and without distraction, the more relaxed he is in the company of others.
Men are like observers. The deepest nature of the masculine nature is the pure spirit. Hence the attitude that many men like to watch dancing rather than participate in dancing itself. For women, this is usually completely incomprehensible because they find the meaning of dance in dance. If you look at the tango, you can see it very clear that the man responsible for providing leadership and structure, while his partner completely fills the room with their antics.
Men ought to be responsible in the area of mindfulness. While most women care devoted to the clarification of small details, it is man’s duty to provide a stable, safe space for the relationship. Support your partner in assuming this role and this means less effort is expended in managing the relationship. Successful relationships are based on two things: a man who makes room for two, and a woman who can relax in this inside this room .
Conclusion: A man works differently than a woman. The more they can both engage in their own way of being, the greater the attraction. The lower contact of the masculine man, the more compassion for the female arises. And women develop deeper understanding of men when they are more in agreement with their femininity.